2/19/11 7am – dream
i was traveling, somewhere in europe that i’ve never been, accents in the car. the driver points to these enormous plants, like parachutes that spin in the wind, a swirl as an anchor. i wanted to pull over to touch one but didn’t ask to stop. i was a guest, just along for the ride, much more to see.
then i’m in a golf cart with lisa h. we’re taking photos of each other. i encourage her to go faster. it’s late afternoon. we’re approaching a pier not unlike santa monica. i play with hipstamatic settings, hold the camera way out to take a 2-shot, lean in to kiss her cheek and press the button. she’s driving wild, laughing. suddenly i feel her tighten & look up to see what she sees. we’re approaching a cliff, no time to stop, churning dark ocean below. silence as we plummet. i snap a photo, our feet, the ocean. it comes out as technicolor daylight despite the b&w setting & nighttime. i catch the worried expressions of onlookers on the pier above. “they will come down & get us out of this.” “we’ll have broken bones.” these were my thoughts. then blackness.
a field of swirling saturated supernature parachutes turn b&w and stop spinning. it’s over. i realize i’m dead. “but i have these photos. i can find something in them, some clue, to help me undo this.” i turn the panic into a game.
then i’m in a car with mari. others in the car too. i need to tell her. she’ll help me decipher the photos. i whisper to her what happened. i show her the photos. with wide tear-brimmed eyes she takes my phone in her hands. all she sees are parachutes.
i realize i am alone in my game, in this death, in this life. it’s horrifying… & liberating.