Monthly Archives: January 2006

sunday night bonfire on the beach

sparklers ignite as waves rage behind us… sunday night bonfires on the beach… pineapple sandwiches, a little girl in a princess dress and dizzy hair… i watch brady befriend her and smile…

paynie races in… ‘some wine?’ i offer… he accepts as he bumbles and fumbles telling me he’s in a hurry… ‘but it’s australian wine’ i tell him hoping he’ll slow down for just a moment to savor it…. ‘ooooh,’ he says, ‘maybe i should drink it upside down then!’ hee hee~ he plays my game and runs off. the princess howls after brady playing and chasing as planes pierce the night sky… handdrums are brought out to compliment the elements… intricate fire sculptures are erected and everyone bellows maniacal joy as fireworks go off intermittantly and knees pulse to the rhythm all aglow in fire light.

brady stands in circles talking to our friends after jumping over asteroid fire on chains near the shore, playing like a child… we catch each other’s eye and smile… this man knows me, encourages my good, overlooks my bad, breathes love into me and propels me… we talk endless about past and future… the present is understood…

the world by bicycle

a day of errands by bicycle… miles of sunny roads and traffic lights… post office, bank, doctor’s office, health food store… my car’s transmission has run afoul again… months of patience has come to an end and fiery brimstone has rained upon aamco’s corporate offices… i’d sell the stinkin contraption if it weren’t for the bumper stickers and pewter trinkets i’d glued to the dashboard… hee hee.. i do have my priorities… ringworm too has revisited… several of us have the band-aid trademark of welts hard to chase away… we share prescription meds and curse the curse…. ah, the smashlab gift that keeps on giving…

restless night last night… fierce winds raked branches repeatedly across my bedroom window, not unlike freddy kruger’s talons… trees shed their shrapnel on the roof and swirled brittle leaves all night long… i laid quite still in the dark afraid some uprooted villian tree would come to crush my house… there were strange low knockings and wind squeals… i burrowed deeper under blankets and eventually found some dreaming… the morning revealed the extent of damage. yards littered like some possessed autumn revisiting springtime. i braced myself over thick branches as my bicycle and i took to the burbank streets… thankful for the exercise, lamenting the time wasted that i could be working on galaxy photos…. now i put on my accounting hat though… in a week my first sales tax forms are due…

a gin with real chincilla parts

“everything’s ok, nothing’s on fire!” someone announces half relieved, half disappointed as he emerges from a secret door at theory labs in the brewery, an art community in downtown los angeles. artists in white laboratory coats walk around and hilarious paintings, serious photographs and other amazing creations adorn walls and ceilings. people live in pods and in huge lofts. artists build machines inside of them and set them loose. things are blown up, parties are had, their battle cry is ‘SCIENCE!!!’…. the brewery is the stuff of legends… tonight there was a performance that we missed, the ministry of unknown science. on the stage all that is left is discarded laboratory equipment and a looped video of monkies smoking… i stare in horror at the bartender pouring GINCHILLA… a gin with real chincilla parts inside it… a pantry is filled with spam and dildos, the innards of a piano are banged on outside and someone has brought a flute… we head on over to the umlaut house where cats creep around dormant machinery… at any point the beasts can come alive… i check my drink for chinchilla feet and hide in shadows…

adventures with roo

roo & i have mad adventures… we can’t just go out to lunch… we end up getting peirced and drunk and we only come home when our boys call us… lemon drop shots with a cape cod on a dimpled, sticky bar table as oasis rages on… i repeirced the cartilage in my ear today at house of freaks. roo & i held hands like a tower of pancakes. one long deep exhale and it was over and i was high… the peirce through my scar from a previous peircing was like a loud siren through my head and then a pure churning… and then a smile… i had taken the original peircing out after nearly a decade of having it… i took it out before i moved to the middle east… jumping up from the chair, i glanced in the mirror… “i’m back!” i beam at roo and we resume pancake stance as our peircer, chantal, fastens the ball to it. roo & i hug her and then run down melrose avenue to celebrate.. sidetracked by electric barbarella and patent leather boots, we fumble down the street and eventually find our way…

on tour

6AM – dawn comes now… a posh ranch with sleeping mutayntz in hidden bedrooms, in corners, on couches….. spanish style rooves, sprawling lawns, a hottub that overflows into a pool that overflows over a hill meeting supernature skyline~ the owners are not even here… just left someone to make sure we don’t let the cats out and we run amuck in rockstar antics… brady and i played basketball recklessly in a supermarket after the toiling while roo & buck tried to do food shopping, talk of the four of us living together~ we spend all our time together anyway and there is much love and creativity between us. after scaring everyone in the food store and some time after midnight we have nekkid hottub time passing wine bottles around and talking about how much our lives suck not so much~ 2 hours sleep that night and everyone leaves for rehearsals while i stayed behind alone in the ranch til the afternoon planning world domination on a book i am working on… i have publishing contacts and endless ideas… creativity is like a catapult spaceship when believed in and propelled by your friends… i set up my office poolside… laptop, diet coke, cell phone, my list of to-do… i should’ve left the full-time world a long time ago… the show itself last night was insane… so much money thrown around for a 20 minute mutaytor performance… a white bulbous fabric was hung around the stage for the opening where mutaynt dancers postured in sillouette forms… suze Q front and center and vix and roo making graceful time further back as lights switched direction and two huge screens projected psychedelic madness… wide shots and awe… and then the white fabric falls down and mutaytor rocks da house as aeon flux women race around on motorized contraptions and then i see someone from vau de vire… all in el wire and roller skating among the suits and ties of the crowd… the catering scared me but the lighting grid and the stage was so insane that i was satiated just in photos and drunk corporate people… a few of which kidnapped us into a booth and video taped us… brady looked good in an orange boa… brady looks good in anything… purrrrrrrr…. 😉

pre-show madness


pre-show madness at the san diego convention center. outside a summer day with boats rocking gently in the marina. inside, crews wield machinery to hoist up lighting grids as matty tests out his double bass that echoes thru the huge hall. black carpet is rolled out, sun sparks off metal. roo & i plan out the fire spin-out area… brady sets up his pots and pans. coffee starts to kick in… high-pitched back-up beeps clash with chains. all around me systematic chaos as the room transforms and i get excited for the night.

desert people in forest pockets

i turn my face away from campfire sparks. the wind blows the smoke erratic. i sit in sand under tiki torches and squint at dragons in trees made of fairy lights. it is almost dawn and the wind pulls my hair back. winter trees and pogo people jump before djs in a secret oasis just north of los angeles, in a forest… a party on private land. i have been here before… sleep is not an option…

i am sober, in love, peaked, awake, clear, on fire, happy, sparked… sleep is a curse… roo and i find a dome made of branches… “welcome to my office!” i tell her and she plays along and we sit with a glowing mushroom lamp between us. we have a picnic as dub rages on around us. triangles of soft red light. trailing around the stage. i lament one of my googly eyes that has fallen off my coveted gloves. brady assures me they are just as fierce w/o the one googly eye. when i am not convinced, he offers to make a pirate patch over the afflicted eye. satiated i bounce up to paynie. he jumps in front of me cold. i chide him about glitter on his face.

desert people in forest pockets. the bass moves us to swaying… it builds now… cushions hold sleeping masses as earplugs expand… music holds me suspended… keeps me awaiting the next moment and nothing more… only dawn is promised… what fills the day is ours to explore… to experience…

evenings like this under stars and trees, away from the world caught up in the beat of it… there is nothing more to life than this love for it…

a collective current

exhaustion descends quickly once a day… i typically have just a few minutes from when it hits me until the dreaming happens and i must find a bed quickly… i sleep 4 hours a night… 2:30am-4am are my witching hours… i dream lately of boats, about being in the middle of the ocean, about walls of windows… protection amid endless possibilities…

an unbelievable month has passed… exciting events, important photo shoots, the heart’s mysterious ways… concerts and events are scavenger hunts for me… moments happen like firecrackers and i want to remember them all~ what happens in shadows and spotlights, in bridges and chorus’, in studios and hotel rooms, in parties and in gardens… there is an unforgettable pulse of life and celebration happening… i shoot to remember…

i seem to exist lately like rainwater sifting through bouyant leaves. i bounce down different projects, amassing chloraform tints, joining a collective current that tricks me to begin by promising to flow only one direct way… yet soon i discover the unexpected and often blissful bends and waterfalls that lead me where i need to be…. and when i stop long enough to realize what rock i’ve landed upon, it is my heart that catches up to me… that funny thing that was so pained just a month ago, now singing with renewed faith and hope for the future… brady is an amazing man, a smart one that wasted no time in delving into the issues… in the two months we were apart, he has shown me he is committed to his health, both physical, financial and emotional, something no man has ever done for himself in such a direct way so quickly after our break-up… he has begun the work and i am proud of him… i too have some renewal to conjure, issues to work on… ideals are frothy and dangerous things… i bash myself daily for them… sometimes i just give them air they need to breathe by being open to their origin… i can feel myself releasing them… there is no perfect partner… there is only someone that is as committed to health and happiness as you are… that makes you laugh and brings you soup when you are sick~ that inspires you just by being in the world… that relies on pure and different perspectives to solve problems and bring to light what is usually covered by time and fear…

after two months of pain, the eternal struggle of heart/mind exploded into one huge heart heap and mind bashing as i realized i’ve made a mistake… a few actually… the love between us though… unmatched and sacred… everything else can be sorted out, motivated upon, fixed~

i am in love with brady spindel and we’re committed to our story more fiercely now than before… armies of dragons and faeries shine torches skyward as we find our way…