Monthly Archives: June 2005

my toes, like sticky sandpaper… my throat, sore from shouting direction over a churning sea… my fingers, calloused from where flesh meets tool… i think smiling on shrine’s broken teacup hung about his neck and how curious the other creatures in this dance troupe, lucent dossier… a pure embodiment of fairytale, myth… a playground for me… the sun crept steadily from safe to legendary as i watched it progress within an hour… i watched and waited for the sun… a sense of urgency suddenly filled me… it was descending and it was time… these dancers became my palette…

you, a beacon, a peacock,
you, my court jester,
you, my most sensual boy,
writhe for me in the foam of the sea,
show me shipwrecked,
believe your abandonment,
your tribal passion to survive,
…and i promise to share it…

a frenzy of activity happened today at golden hour. drums beat fierce in my head as i scanned these faces each in character awaiting direction. we all became tribal, lost, cold… at the end of it all the dancers stood shivering, limp and wet. “what have i done?” i thought to myself as i looked around at the satiated chaos and then looked down at myself covered in sand and dripping wet.

the sun slipped like an ancient coin into the pocket of its horizon and i realized i wasn’t shivering… i had become my camera again…

at dawn, i reviewed the images… random images appeared on the monitor and my eyes blurred over in tears…. hours passed and still i was in the same shocked state staring at these images…

dancers, ballerinas, dance troupes, bellydancers, people in motion telling a story… i think i’ve found my niche… what i want to specialize in…

this is what i want to do~

~26 june~
lucent dossier dance troupe photo shoot

i packed up the last of my toys from my desk listening to giddy music even though i didn’t feel so. two years at warner bros studios… with the same beautiful people, the security, the perks, the excitement of standing next to famous people in the cafeteria, the cast of ER, extras with fake blood on them, georgy clooney and brat pitt on the basketball court, the movie screenings, the multi-colored tweety bids that i never had the chance to design parachutes for.

“i’ll miss your candy,” jim said… moments before he offered to get me an interview at rhino records to shoot bands for their cd covers and concerts… further confirming this is all according to plan, all of it~ transition mode was still heavily on me as i handed over my office keys to julie in operations, who i am closest to~ we both looked at the floor for a minute and then she took them from my extended palm, silently hugged me… “i can’t talk to you now….” i told her as i ran down the hall to await the circus of movers, computer technicians and telephone people to dismantle us and move us temporarily into some neutral grey back room in some building nearby before the inevitable end in a few weeks when my boss decides which job he will take. “ya, they’ll move you there, then to a storage room, then to the basement, THEN they’ll kick you out,” jen said… today feels like the end though… mostly because of how attached to the people i am in my department, how used to spending my days with them i am.

i sat on the floor as the movers whirled around me, getting lost in my mucha lucha toys and thinking of futures. when i looked up, i realized i was alone. the sound of boxes being piled high atop one another and wires being slapped togheter had stopped somehow and i was alone in an empty office with nothing but the door to walk through. i ran the maze of my floor for the last time hugging everyone and saying my goodbyes. tilted gazes and wishes of luck, hugs and encouragement and i descended the elevator with a bag full of last-minute loot… power puff toys, charlie & the chocolate factory posters…

and then… the perfect goodbye… as i walked to my car i watched a co-worker slam into my sister’s parked car. i dropped my bags and started laughing. ‘don’t let the door hit you on the way out’ i could feel the faeries heckling… aileen, the most perpetually overwhelmed scatterbrained woman i have ever met. like a frantic hen in menopause she jumped out of her car screaming apologies and fumbling for paper to write down her information. i got in my car slowly and thanked her sincerely before driving away, catching her perplexed poultry face in the rearview mirror. this static car crash was hilarious to me… i’ll sort it out on monday and have her repair the damage before my sister’s return at summer’s end.

i drove home in blissful silence, the radio off, all the windows rolled down… just pure dry heat and a car full of memories and toys in the backseat… a pretty new rear dent in my car as well… “AND STAY OUT!” i imagined the faeries kickin me in the butt giggling as i got further from an office job that they know i no longer need… if only to be as certain as my guardians, those peskily coersive orchestrators of my future~

KTLA is doing a story on the LA Art Fest Thursday night on the 10 o’clock news.
It is just a one minute thing but it will feature my photography~ 🙂