Monthly Archives: November 2003


we sat in the padded windowsill of our hotel room with candles and wine. we’d left the wine key at my sister’s place in tucson so opening the bottle became a mission. we walked across the hotel parking lot to a truck stop / gas station / subway. no one had a wine key. one guy, however (whose name we were convinced was JETHRO JR) had a screw. we opened the bottle with a screw and a borrowed wrench.

the outline of the snow-capped mountains was barely visible out the window and a candle was between us and we talked heatedly about some issues.

at 6:30am i washed my hair in the bathtub, wrapped up toiletries, re-packed the suitcase, and we headed down to breakfast in the lobby. two slices of toast, a chocolate donut, and orange juice. we checked out of our room and when we went out to the car, we were slammed with freezing temperatures. our car had ice all over it and we were thankful that we didn’t go renegade and sleep out in the elements camping as we’d originally intended. we drove with frosted windows to the gas station at the far end of the parking lot and scraped the ice off, something i hadn’t done in YEARS. we fueled up and listening to U2, we headed out towards the grand canyon. 50 miles from that goliath of a hole, a cop busted us… 91 in a 55 zone…. fucked, we decided to head back to l.a. sulking… a $300 speeding ticket…damn the man.

tsafi and i went to bed and awoke dry from the heat blowing on us all night from a vent in the ceiling. on friday, we ate cereal, picked up mom and renee from the hotel and went to the sonora desert museum where we walked through an outside museum with paved and dirt roads and took photos with cacti behind us to preserve the weekend’s memory. we spent hours there pointing out things to alexis, things that we, ourselves, were interested in but we displaced the wonder onto her. we went back to diana’s house and had leftovers, took a nap and then went bowling by blacklight and loud music. i am officially the worst bowler that ever was, a sad example of my new jersey upbringing.

we said our goodbyes and slept 3 hours and now here we are en route to SEDONA, a new age fascination for a decade now! dawn approaches fast and we eat pumpkin pie (tsafi’s first ever) and philosophize about the noises that donkeys make…


it is the day after thanksgiving and the house is full of sleep breathing, all in different depths and durations, all unmistakenly identifiable. we are at diana’s house in tuscon, arizona. windchimes rattle on the morning wind and the desert trees sway dryly.

it took us four hours just to get out of los angeles and ten hours total to arrive in tucson. we parked the car at 2am and went to knock on diana’s door. through the opening in her horizontal blinds, i could see her asleep on the papsan curled into my neice, alexis with the glow of the tv on their faces. i thought of taking a photo but was too excited to see them. a sleepy diana opened the door and fell into my hug, alexis’ conscienceness surfaced for a moment, then lapsed and i steam-rolled adrienne in bed. she played dead but i knew i got her…

we slept on her roommate’s futon for a few hours and then adrienne and i watched the thanksgiving day parade together under a fleece blanket with multi-colored stars while everyone slept on.

we went to pick up mom and renee at a nearby hotel and that’s it, we were all together, all the sisters, neice and mom. dad was missed but we will get to play with him in a few weeks in mexico!

the turkey had been in the oven since 6am. tsafi, who was experiencing his first thanksgiving, awoke to this cooking turkey smell and adorably asked me if it was pancakes. LOL!! he’d never seen a full turkey baking like that and was systematically amazed throughout the day. mom took over the kitchen preparing side dishes while the rest of us moved living room furniture and strategized how 15 people would fit in that house. two rickety tables were unfolded and a thin paper dining tablecloth was opened over them. alexis laid out plates with butterflies on them and the cutlery.

soon, everyone arrived, mostly new acquaintances. it was diana’s roommate, seren, her family, her boyfriend who almost died a few days ago on a motorcycle without a helmet and was self-conscience about the stitches on his face and swollen parts. seren was also on the motorcycle and the accident’s effect was etched onto their faces. her boyfriend’s family also came. guests arrived to a candle-lit room with various home-made offerings of their own. seren’s mom is the elderly witty woman who sat next to me coughing into a napkin, recovering from bronchitis. she made all sorts of food and no one felt anything less than stuffed like a turkey before the day’s end.

the kids sat on the porch smoking and sitting still while the adults sat around the table talking. when everyone left, we all chipped in to help clean up. we collapsed to watch a film, chicago, after we played a vicious game of scrabble. mom and diana’s boyfriend, bryce, were the stronger players. they were scary contenders, both very serious and calculating.

driving 90mph through the mojave desert. a low gold smile of a moon behind us. we talk of capturing the stars with time-lapse photography and i orchestrate the music with my big toe.

wisdom of the hopi elders

words that push us east in preparation for our drive to sedona arizona this weekend…

“This is the Eleventh Hour, now you must go back and tell the people that this is The Hour. And there are things to be considered….where are you living…… what are you doing… what are your relationships… are you in right relation… where is your water?

Know your garden. It is time to speak your Truth. Create your community. Be good to each other and do not look outside yourself for the leader. Then he clasped his hands together, smiled and said, “This could be a good time!”
There is a river flowing now very fast. It is so great and swift, that there are those who will be afraid. They will try to hold on to the shore. They will feel they are being torn apart and will suffer greatly.

Know the river has its destination. The elders say we must let go of the shore, push off into the middle of the river, keep our eyes open, and our heads above the water. And I say, see who is there with you and celebrate. At this time in history, we are to take nothing personally. Least of all ourselves. For the moment that we do, our spiritual growth and journey comes to a halt.
The time of the lone wolf is over. Gather yourselves! Banish the word struggle from your attitude and your vocabulary. All that we do now must be done in a sacred manner and in celebration. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for.”

Oraibi, Arizona
Hopi Nation


sunday morning at a gas station filling up the tank in anticipation of an adventure hiking mount wilson, just outside of los angeles. we hop in the car, peel out, rock out to ‘beast of burden’ by rolling stones as we drag seatbelts to their clicking positions. “who’s the most spontaneous husband?” he gloats. “you are” i drawl “who’s the best decorator?” he pushes… “oh NO! you’re not taking the credit for that!” and he puts up his hand in silence. “that’s a boo yah hand if you didn’t know…” he says and giggles and smacks ensue while driving. oh he makes me laugh!
he had it in his head this adventure and stood jumping in place as i brushed my hair into ponytails slowly. i had to slam the bathroom door to keep him at bay and still he jumped in place like a puppy with his leash in his teeth.

we race down highways, unfold sunglasses, turn up the radio. hendrix ‘foxy lady’. i lean in rockstarfish whispering ‘you know…you’re a little…heart break er…. foxy’

not a cloud in the sky. the sun shining on a map we’re supposed to be following. we’re almost through downtown, the buildings perforating the sun, slices of brightness. we weave through traffic…and then we get lost.


an evening of sewing leopard print living room pillows listening to portishead and orbital. i lean back in a sea of comfort and revel in my work, a wine stained glass on the table and the beat through me…

my mother called tonight… we chatted vacantly as i stitched the edges of my pillows closed. i let frustration over a knot seep out and with her suggestions, i cut it loose and started over, a not-all-unfamiliar chasm my mother and i fall into…starting over. two solid years of positive communication…i’m ever grateful to whatever gods turned her this way, be it ‘fear of regrets’ or something prescribed, i remain grateful. she is knitting sweaters for all of us, my neice, my sisters, even my husband. i get my knitting/sewing from her, as well as my supernature of typing fast inherited. whenever someone comments about my 80wpm typing speed, i tell them it’s something bizarre inherited from my mother. this and knitting… and hopefully that is all… although i do catch myself smirking as i chop tuna in a wooden bowl like her and her mother did. i also think in worried polish preventative ways like she does… but i have perspection and a running tab on conscience emotions in a way she never did… THIS, a gift of my father. THIS, a psychic throwback of my 80-year-old self.

today tsafi and i nested. we made out at dawn, i jogged 2 miles listening to sugarcubes ‘deus’ over and over again as he slept more. we got jazzed on our unfinished dining room project and we drove to western avenue in koreatown where all the furniture deals are. we parked illegally and hovered in stores, haggling like israelis. by afternoon’s end, we were the proud owners of a huge black-framed mirror, 6 fine black fabric chairs and much chinese decor from pottery barm. chinese being the decided theme of our dining room. africa and leopard print, the living room theme. faerie for everything else, of course!

a rainy day driving with old friends from israel on the coastal road from santa barbara to cabrillo. an hour from sunset turns the horizon to layers of yolk and greys and the white foam of lazy waves fold in our wake.
a day of speaking in hebrew and absorbing the haifa-like vibe of santa barbara led me to believe we were in israel again. so when i saw a sign that read ‘amtrack’ i re-orientated myself.
old blue chevy pick up trucks and el caminos fall behind us. the road bends and mountains cushion us on one side, the sea on the other. dark green compact growth over desert rock and oil rigs in the distance.

our future in the wings

today tsafi takes his CPA exam. months of preparation and sacrifice led us to a morning of silent kisses and reassurance. i put a heart-shaped rock from israel in his pocket and told him that i love him. he drove me to work early and now my insides are all tight.
last night hani and sagi came over. i made vegetable soup from scratch and we watched the matrix reloaded in preparation from the premiere on the wb lot tonight. seas of pillows and blankets and surround sound. i love our big huge hd tv. i helped sagi’s brother put together a flyer for his carpet cleaning business. sagi and hani will fly to south america for 4 months soon. it is nice to have them in l.a. it’s a gift.

dream within a dream

dreamt of glastonbury, england last night…and i dreamt of tommy. i was at a party collecting things to prepare for the climb up glastonbury tor in pitch dark blindness. i was sorting through brightly colored tapestries in an ancient wood curio cabinet. people were trying to convince me not to go. but i had been there before and knew how it felt there…the shifting masss of cow and sheep in the dark, the sound of drums and didgeradoo getting louder upon ascent, the way the sky looks down from the hollow castle and how night plays tricks there.
the fact that tommy was there was shocking to me. i questioned his intentions… and mine for bringing him to my most favorite place on earth. i knew i’d be cold and a tapestry (like the one i bought there in ‘real life’) would not suffice, too thin. i sorted through sweaters in another cabinet, like the one that i bought in the aran islands in ireland, made directly from sheep, undyed and earth-scented. in ‘real life’ i had gone to ireland with tommy in 1998 and we rode bicycles in the aran islands taking black & white photographs of each other and as i touched the sweaters in my dream the photographs resurfaced. it was a dream within a dream really…