Monthly Archives: June 2003


clouds like devils morph into smiling pig heads, driving on route 15 south back to LA after an awesome weekend in las vegas. scorched roadway, blown-out tires every 30 feet, billboards for buffets and references to wayne newton, gambling villages.
we’d driven to vegas under the cover of night on friday, leaving at midnight. we flew down the highways and into the mouth of gluttony. we walked the strip as sun came up, sat next to flowers for an hour talking, had a buffet breakfast at excalibur. references to medievel, castles, swords. we walked around ‘ny,ny’ and then checked into our hotel. we were supposed to stay at the westward ho, the hotel that daniel garcia (friend from nyc visiting…) was staying. but when we saw a purple glitter hotel called ‘stardust’ we (well, ok, I…) changed our minds. we checked in, slept, swam in the pool. the pool guy had no hair on his legs and said that it wasn’t really that hot that day. (100 degrees!). we found an empty jacuzzi in the shade surrounded by rocks and enjoyed that for a while. tsafi poured a bucket of ice down the back of my bikini and then we went back to the room to nap. adi and orit were staying at the fancy egyptian hotel, luxor, but didn’t want to play. daniel and jenna are bad plan makers. it’s a good thing tsafi and i make good company for each other.
we hit the slots!
we played the nickel slots and drank baileys. we won $7 in nickels and then lost it all on the quarter slots. tsafi gave me an unforgettable mega kiss outside of the mirage and we ran back to our hotel room for some more…slots.
we woke early and visited ‘france’ on the strip, too crowded so we got back on the road… good times good times…
i come out of reverie as the california state line comes flying past us and i vent my disappointment “we were suppoesed to buy postcards in nevada!” “i…miscalculated” he said. we were also supposed to fuel up in nevada. a quick look at the fuel tank and we were almost on empty bumbling thru the mohave desert with no water and no cell phone…. “uh oh”. we have a silent moment as we read “next service stop 40 miles.” we switch off the a/c and open our windows letting in that 110 degree breeze which was simply nuclear. we are no strangers to struggle but i’d prefer not to die dehydrated in a desert. we held our breaths for 40 miles as the town of baker came into view. “home of the world’s largest thermometer.” we fueled up, not a moment too soon, fueled our bellies too at denny’s and got back on the road heading back home.

focusing on undercurrents

fuzzy drunk concentration. on a white candle in tall glass. the wine precariously positioned on the porcelain side punching in familiar phone numbers into a fading cordless phone. no one at home… fuzzy candle feelings. missing tsafi terribly, as he’s on a trip. trying to understand, trying not to take cause or effect positions. relationships are so very interesting. if we all just focused on our undercurrents, we’d all keep bound to clarity. i can hear a neighbor switching off the shower. squeaky turns. i miss new york tonight. i miss my stuff, my boxes, my memories, my faerie figurines, masks from venice, travel tokens, books and cds, all of it has finally arrived into the port of l.a. after 3 months of war-time travel. customs raped it three times and charged me for the fun. it’s not insured. i hope nothing broke. tsafi’s doesn’t want to pay the additional fees and this has my knickers in a bunch. he doesn’t understand how much this stuff means to me. or maybe he does and the money factor supercedes the sentimentality issue. fact remains it’s my belongings. i belong as much to it as it does to me. god knows enough of it got tossed or thrown out for the move from nyc to israel and then of course there was the plague of dead pigeons rotting on some of them…AND the flood. the stuff that remains surely has stories to tell. and dammit i intend on picking it up with arms outstretched like a sailor coming back from the war… i look forward to opening box after box of accumulated inspiration and smell my nyc self in th em. most of this stuff remained in storage most of my time in israel. i lived on bare neccessities. i mean that figuratively and literally. i shouldn’t have to fight for its return and you know what? my paycheck now says i don’t have to. with that, i should feel triumphant in a way. my life fuckin’ ROCKS! and i’m in the best way i can be, appreciative and focused, happy to have earned my stripes. but as much as i feel proud or justified, it doesn’t feel right. i’m all about teamwork now. what’s good for the team is good for all. and half of my team is hiding and full of self issues. we’ve been here two months. i was lucky. now tsafi must earn it. i look forward to his progress but loathe the personal space his fear is putting on our relationship. he’s worked every day including weekends for 2 straight weeks. i stay up waiting for him. i must remember it’s all temporary. he’ll be fine… yesterday today and tomorrow…so much can happen in a day.