my hair is straight.
i don’t know how it happened… but my hair’s texture just changed for the second time in my life. i had straight hair til puberty and then it went wavy, at times curly, but since my wedding day, my hair has most definately changed. i change it up, curl pump it, diffuse it and nothin… it’s straight. especially the new hair growing it. i turn my head side to side in the mirror as i sit on the floor sizing up my new red dye job, within an hour of dying my hair back to flaming red, i had 2 tori amos comments. i’d dyed it a few mornings ago. tsafi was in texas for five days last week on a long-distance job and i wasn’t sleeping. so at dawn i went extreme, tearing into a feria box like an alcoholic, aligning pumice stones and cuticle pusher-backers, unearthing new purchases of nail polish and glitter bought from the night before. dying my hair like a professional, parting my hair into sections, first horizontal, then vertical, then piling it loose on top of my head…i’ve never done a test patch… no need. i’ve been dying my hair since high school. if i was allergic, i’d know it by now. i took a long bath, scrubbing my feet with pumice and polishing toes and fingers naked on our new couch watching james van pragh’s ‘beyond’ show. i dressed quickly and left for work. i parked my car and walked to santa monica’s third street promenade where i got coffee and that’s when someone asked me if anyone ever told me i look like tori amos. later on in the day, someone in the elevator in my office building talked about me to his friend as if i wasn’t there. “she looks like that singer, the piano chick.” i hadn’t had my afternoon sugar fix, so i smiled silently and continued on to the bathroom where in dim lighting i could make out the successful red color, now dried on my hair.
“RED! I’M BACK!”
back in my career, back in soul, back on my head, and on myu way to being back and getting used to it.
but i focus on tsafi… half in confusion and half in sympathy. i do know what it’s like to be in a foreign country and doubt yourself and your communication skills, to not have confidence and to want to be around others from your home country. i also know that tsafi is a smart man, goal-oriented and focused. i want him to feel happy and accomplished, to do something with his education. jen reminded me that he has to do this himself, to ignite himself with this. i will just be seen as an annoyance if i keep bringing up something that he feels he’s not ready for. i guess it’s just that i believe so much in him…that i know he can do anything he sets himself to… and it feels frustrating to have him forget and not be open to being reminded… but as with all these kinds of feelings with tsafi, they’re all temporary. life, for us, has a way of coming together… with a little effort and belief…
my hair is straight.